she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I just want to make out with him forever
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