thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
