Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
