i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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