Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
