It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
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