I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
