I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Randomize
