dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
