just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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