You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
