im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
