I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
