nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Randomize
