How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
