ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
We need to rekindle our bromance
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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