i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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