erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
