How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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