I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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