So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
