i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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