Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
