he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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