my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
