she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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