We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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