The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
