the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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