Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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