I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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