therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
