How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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