Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
