im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
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