I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
