Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
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