i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
you would pick up someone in the library
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
