My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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