does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
