Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
