I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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