You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
