I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
