My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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