Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
