when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
