New invention idea: vibrating tampons
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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