If i come over, it means nothing
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
