I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
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