hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
