That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
