Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Randomize
