Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
