I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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