never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
