bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
