Rock
Scissors
Fuck
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
