Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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