Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
