Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
