I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Randomize
