Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
