Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
