I want to have your abortion
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
