what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
You left your phone here
Wait...
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