I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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