I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Randomize
