My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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