5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I pour the whiskey from now on
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize