He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
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