honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
