You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
